The Suburbanite

Photo: Brandel Scicluna

Photo: Brandel Scicluna

What is your full name?

Robert Joseph Oscar Pisani. There that’s the first time my full name has been aired in public!

If you had to lie about your age, how old would you be?

Actually I’m pretty satisfied with my age (35 folks). In five years time I’ll start lying.

Satan or Cthulhu?

Neither I go for Hades.

Charles Darwin or Mark Zuckerberg?

Charles Darwin is Cthulhu and Mark Zuckerberg is Satan.

Which film would you remake? Why?

The problem with remakes is that directors choose very good films while I believe that trash should be given a second chance. In this case I would try Valkenvania (aka Nothing but Trouble – noel) a purely God-awful piece of celluloid.  Basically Chevy Chase and Demi Moore go off for a picnic and land in Valkenvania, a land populated by stuffed dolphins and a judge who eats bratwurst. The nadir of the film is when the judge pulls off his nose and leg, then farts loudly.

Andrew Lloyd Webber is writing a musical about your life. What’s it called?

Conan the Librarian??? To be honest I’d rather have John Cameron Mitchell (Hedwig and the Angry Inch) write a musical for me.

If you could, which song would you sing out of existence?

Tough one. I guess it would have to be “This is Hardcore” by Pulp, the only reason being that it’s the only song I know from beginning to end. (And Will Smith’sBoom! Shake the Room” but that’s another story.)

So why should we come to THE SUBURBANITE gig?

Well, there will be catchy tunes to sing along to, some surprises, another great act (Megafun). You never know what to expect. Suburba-gigs are few and far between because everyone always has a terrible time. The music can be classed as comatose melancholia tripe. We do give out free tissues and noise-cancelling headphones though, so it’s worth coming for those.

By the way, what’s the colour of your favourite pillowcase?

Dark blue.

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Check out “A Field Guide to The Suburbanite” and “H2 Oh No!”

Artwork: Camille Felice

Poster: Camille Felice

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